..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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