Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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