A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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