Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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