is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
FUCK WHALES
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
