Duck Duck Cougar?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
