I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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