i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
