Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
