think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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