4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
