My nipple is on Facebook.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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