I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
