yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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