Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
