god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
