The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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