Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
