so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
