nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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