tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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