my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
