I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
