Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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