I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
