So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
