why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
