apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
