Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
