I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
