So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
