sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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