You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
