Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
