moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
