Screwed.edu
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
