I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
They took my balls.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
