I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
