saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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