There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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