nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
