When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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