I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
