do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
