If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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