$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
