you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
