Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
