I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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