Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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