The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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