I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
